TV

This week’s Survivor: Fiji! opened with the have-nots, who still have no fire, and thus no way to boil drinking water, so thirsty they started licking the raindrops from the leaves of various fauna that surrounds the camp. Poor lil things! Guess they should have worked a bit harder on that there challenge last week, huh?

Meanwhile, the Moto Tribe - the Have’s, are living it up in their plush hammocks and pillows, the couch and plates, and declare this game “So vicious it’s delicious!” Of course, “Boo” and his flatulence made it a little less lovely.

The Ravu tribe was working hard, hard at attempting to start a fire rubbing sticks, but don’t have enough energy in the whole tribe to get it going. My man Yau-man worked his skinny lil butt off to fill a canteen with coconut milk. The boys, of course, started a competition to see who could chop them open the fastest. They’re so dehydrated they’re falling down, and exhausted, and poor Rocky, he’s eatin’ clams off the GROUND man, it’s CARAZY, they’s STARVIN man!

Then Moto Boo, the idiot, gets something in his eye, and then is a bigger idiot with the ax and cuts his hand and his knee. And the Hammock he’s resting on falls with a thud and dumps him on the ground. Prediction by Dreamz the Cheerleading Coach? Boo’s gonna hurt hisself outa the game! It is certainly a possibility at this point!

I do have to admit that I laughed out loud when the hammock dumped him on his ass though. Wonder if anyone untied it…

Day 5, and still no water. Ravu does get Sylvia back from exile island - and Yau-man does a quick peek to see if she has the immunity idol, by sneaking a peek in her bag. Says he was a little ‘nasty’ while giving her a hug to do so. How cute is he? She says she made fire and was all proud - until finding out they have none, and also finding out she’s too darn weak even WITH her water consumption, to crack a single coconut.

Commence plans to vote off the outsider!

Dreamz opens up and tells us his road to a cheerleading coach on Survivor started with his crackhead mama and how much the Haves got it easier then living on the streets. Aw, ain’t he cute?

Ravu finds food! They’d been looking all in the wrong places, and right in front of them was hundreds of pineapples. Go Erica! Earl loves ya, and is gonna propose since ya found him food - it’s the way to a man’s heart and all that. Pineapple! Go figure!

Dude - it’s thirty minutes in, no challenge, no tree mail? Bah Humbug! Bring on the competition! Man, I need Tivo. HD-DVR. Something!

FINALLY! A challenge! Again, there was only one, for both Immunity and reward. They were playing for Immunity, fishing gear, and for Ravu, flint. Ravu wants it really bad, and as they take off on the raft and start clipping their crates to the rope, they are ahead of the other Tribe and pulling away. Things look good, and it looks like the painted colors on Moto doesn’t seem to help their tangled cable and the mounting frustrations.

They pulled in the crates they’d clipped to the cable, all four, to the mat where they untie and open to find a 6 piece pole and flag they have to put together and raise. They hit the beach, and it all starts to fall apart for Ravu. Erica gets bossy, telling people the way it goes together, and they start ignoring her and she throws a hissy fit. They fall behind, and eventually lose, as Moto gets their act together, sniffing out the weakness of the other Tribe and busting ass. They raise their flat, and win Immunity and Reward!

They then send Earl to Exile Island and the backstabbing bitchery begins as Ravu has to figure out who’s getting the ax at Tribal Council. Though many had already agreed the exiled outsider Sylvia should be gone first, many think Erica’s freakout was way out of line. End result, Erica is voted out 5-2, and is naturally shocked! SHOCKED! After all, she found PINEAPPLE, people! PINEAPPLE!

THANK YOU, CBS, for the fewer shots of the snakes this time, though watching Earl kill one with the machete was a nice touch. *shudders* But seriously, less close-ups, ok? Only one view would have been fine! UGH! Earl spends his time muttering that the idol is back at camp, but enjoying fire and water. And the killing of snakes, I mentioned that, right? SLICE AND DICE BABY! (But please, don’t show me again!) (And he didn’t enjoy it, really. But I did! Sorta, in that “ew! EWEWEW! kinda way.)

Tune in next week, to see if Boo manages to actually sever a limb, or crack open his skull! Oh, and also, who is the next to get voted off the Island. So long to you, Erica, and to your screechy freakouts, too!